


Save Your Tears

by jewboykahl



Series: Save Your Tears for Someday [1]
Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Break Up, Fighting, M/M, Mutual Pining, One Shot, Post-Break Up, Sad Ending, Sad boi hours
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:47:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29297637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jewboykahl/pseuds/jewboykahl
Summary: Kenny and Stan break up in the face of Kenny joining the United States Army but realize they’ll never stop being in love.
Relationships: Stan Marsh/Kenny McCormick
Series: Save Your Tears for Someday [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2153400
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	Save Your Tears

“Ready to go, baby?” Kenny wondered in a strained voice as he jigged the zipper of his faded jeans up. He used the doorframe to support his body as he swung into his cluttered room, where he left his boyfriend lounging on the over-worn mattress while he relieved himself. He creased his eyebrows together in concern when he mentally noted the quite obviously angered look plastered onto Stan’s face. 

“Really, Ken?” The taller boy wanted to know, arms crossed over his chest, fist clenching a pamphlet and sheet of paper at his side. 

Remaining confused, Kenny stepped into the room, “Really Ken what?” 

His ignorance only perpetuated Stan’s disgruntlement as he launched himself to his feet and stormed over to meet his boyfriend in the center of the room. Slapping the items he had previously kept in his clutch against Kenny’s chest, he spat, “Next time you plan on lying to me, make sure you hide your application and information brochures.” 

Instantly, Kenny’s stomach dropped. He watched momentarily as advertisements for the United States Army and an Infantry application floated to the stained beige carpet, and then flicked his eyes up to meet Stan’s blazing blue eyes. Letting out a sigh, he replied, “Look, Stan, nothing’s set in stone, I was just getting more details on how things would work. It’s not like I’m fuckin’ shipping myself off to Afghanistan anytime soon, you don’t gotta worry.” 

Stan scoffed, “Evidently I do have to worry since you’re still considering this! I thought we agreed that it’s a really stupid idea!” 

Kenny shrugged, scooping up the discarded papers and replacing them on his dilapidated dresser. “I’m not ruling it out, s’all. No need to freak out on me.” 

“First of all, I’m not freaking out on you,” Stan asserted, stepping closer to his boyfriend. Rage was bubbling inside of him at an uncomfortable rate—he was not used to being so livid with Kenny. However, having this argument yet again with the very same boy that possessed a healthy majority of his love and care greatly challenged that. “Second, why are you even considering still? It’s not worth you dying!” 

“ _Potentially_ dying,” Kenny corrected, growing vaguely irritated with the repetition of this debate. “And I could put Karen through college for free. You know how fuckin’ huge that is? Especially for a McCormick,” 

Stan huffed, frustrated and passionate and anxiety-ridden. “I know that, Ken, but who’ll take care of her while you’re out there getting shot at and put in danger of getting blown up every day for four fucking years?!” 

“Can we not talk about this right now? I want to eat some shitty chicken.” Kenny moaned, stomping over to his closet and relieving a hanger of his blue flannel. 

“You can wait,” Stan assured him, dark eyebrows arched angrily. “I want to talk about this right now.” 

Slinging the garment over his shoulders, Kenny spun to face Stan with honey brown eyes peeled wide in amazement for his boyfriend’s unreasonable concern. He reached up and cupped Stan’s cheeks in rough-skinned hands and cocked an eyebrow. “Stanley, I’m not plannin’ on dying anytime soon, alright? Mellow out. It’s just an option.” 

“It’s not an option for you, it’s a plan!” The other boy disagreed, breaking free of Kenny’s hold and gesturing to the pamphlets, “You went to a recruiter, you did research for weeks, you gave me several speeches about how this is the best choice—but yet you still don’t realize how dangerous and reckless this is!” 

Kenny rolled his eyes, “I’m not stupid, I know it isn’t child’s play. But I’m good with knives and my fists, and I’ll figure out the fun thing, okay? I could get by.” 

“All it takes is one good shot from the other side, Kenny! And you _know_ how I feel about guns!” Stan exclaimed. “Do you not even care?!” 

“Of course I fuckin’ care, that’s why I’m enlisting in the first place!” 

“So you admit you’re doing it?” Stan accused, throwing his arms together. “You’re disregarding every reason I give you for this being a bad idea and you’re just gonna do it anyway?” 

Kenny’s jaw was clenched slightly, aggravation evident in his handsome features. He reeled in closer to his boyfriend’s face and lifted his eyebrows. “Yes.” With that, he turned his back to Stan and headed for the door, “Now let’s get some fuckin’ Chinese before I put my head through this dry wall.” 

“You know what? Fuck you!” Stan shouted, taking his boyfriend by surprise. Kenny snapped his neck to throw a furious gaze back. “You don’t listen to anyone, ever! You’re just completely set on whatever you think is best, because you’re too damn stubborn to slow down and think that maybe you’re not fucking right all the time! How you not fucking caring about yourself _affects_ other people!” 

Kenny creased his eyebrows together and reentered Stan’s personal bubble, “Yeah? And what about you, huh? I’ve got about a dozen more good reasons for me to enlist than you got against it, yet you fuckin’ plug your ears and whine anytime I try to explain my side of the scenario! I wasn’t born with a silver fuckin’ spoon in my mouth like you, alright? I can’t go to college to pretend to study and show my titties to frat boys while boozed up every weekend like you, Cartman and Kyle can! I gotta consider other means of survival!” 

Stan wanted to scream—punch Kenny, cry, kick a hole in the door—anything at all to make him understand. “Just because you’re too lazy to try and get a scholarship—“ 

“ _Lazy_?” Kenny spat, chest filling with a new wave of wrath. “A guy whose been working since he was ten, and now has three different jobs, and still goes to school is fuckin’ _lazy_ , Marsh?” 

The taller boy cocked an eyebrow, “You? Go to school? You mean you show up for engineering class and English occasionally, because you have friends in it?” 

“Alright, whatever,” Kenny groaned. “My truancy isn’t for a lack of trying.” 

Stan shook his head, “I just wish you’d attend school and see that the army isn’t the only way to make a living, even if you don’t get good grades or have a lot of money.”

Kenny laughed indignantly, “Oh, so not only am I lazy, I’m also just poor and stupid. But don’t worry! The public education system will remedy that by lecturing me with watered down stories about other country’s histories and giving me thirty different standardized tests to prove that we’re smarter than fuckin’ Sweden. Thank _God_ I have such an incredible opportunity here.” 

“You do, you dickhead!” Stan shouts, jabbing Kenny’s chest with his pointer finger. “And I never said you were stupid! You’re really smart, you just don’t fucking try! You give up because you automatically assume that you’re not good at anything but getting high and shooting shit! You think growing up in a harsh environment excludes you from amounting to anything!” 

“Don’t fuckin’ psychoanalyze me, Stan, you don’t know everything like _you_ fucking assume you do.” Kenny shot back, his glare dark and his fists clenched. He had never been so utterly enraged and offended by the boy before him. “I’m gonna to join the army to help my baby sister have an actual life instead of either drowning in debt for the rest of her life, or ending up as a fuckin’ cashier because anyone who takes a look at her home-life and lack of bachelor’s degree sees it as a side-effect of the cycle of poverty. If I die, I die protecting my country and trying to save my sister. I’m fuckin’ fine with that.” 

“Well I’m not! And neither is Karen! Why would you want to die for a country that would have scrambled your brains for being in love with me fifty years ago?” Stan disagreed loudly, tears forming in the corners of his eyes. He couldn’t decide if they were influenced more by his anger or distress. 

Kenny scoffed, “Because I don’t get the luxury of caring! I like the idea of free college and thirty days of paid vacation. You only even started all acting politically woke to get fucking attention.” 

Absolutely fuming and plagued with a billion various and conflicting thoughts, Stan came to a very abrupt decision in his head. Fists clenched and ears red hot, he stared daggers into Kenny’s face. While he was deeply in love with every detail of it, his sense of reality knew it would only end up hurting him. “You know what? Fine. You wanna get blown up in an RV in the middle of nowhere, fine. But I’m not gonna be a part of it.” The other boy’s expression became perplexed as he watched Stan snatch his coat and scarf from the mattress. The intense pounding of his heart against his rib cage matched Stan’s as he concluded his statement, “If you enlist, we break up now.” 

Right then, Kenny already knew how it felt to be shot in the chest. His jaw fell open slightly as he watched tears stream down Stan’s cheeks—his soft, smooth cheeks that he had planted hundreds of kisses on for nearly two years straight. He shook his head, “Baby, don’t do this to me. I still have a year.” 

Stan shook his head, “I’m not gonna wait around for a year just to wait around four more to see whether or not you lived. I can’t do it.” 

Rendered quite literally breathless, Kenny stood unspeaking, gaping in horror and amazement at Stan. After a moment of shocked silence, he choked out, “Don’t fuckin’ give me this ultimatum. Not this one, Stan.” 

Sniffling, Stan shrugged on his coat and cast his teary gaze to the ground. He took a moment to inhale the surrounding incessant smell of vomit and cigarettes that the McCormick residence gave off. While unpleasant, he was sure he would strangely miss it. He swallowed, “Goodbye, then, Ken.”

“Stan, wait, please,” Kenny pleaded, desperation laced into his tone. He shuffled swiftly towards the door and captured Stan’s arm in his grasp, coaxing him into an embrace, “Please don’t go, I don’t want to lose you,”

A wave of tears shook Stan, but he remained verbally coherent, “I’m gonna lose you either way! Get off me, Kenny,” 

“No, please, Stan—I love you, please, please…” 

“Kenny! Let me go!” Stan sobbed, shaking himself free. He paused momentarily to take in Kenny’s reddened eyes and shattered expression. It broke his heart in ways he had never imagined; but he was emotionally incapable of handling these stresses at his juncture. He had been sick to his stomach for too long over the thought of Kenny taking bullets for free college. He loved him too much for that possibility. 

“Please,” Kenny repeated, voice quavering. Every crevice of his chest was aching with regret and sorrow. The section of his brain that was not attempting to process losing Stan was replaying their argument and wishing he could take back whatever he had said that turned out to be the deal breaker. He couldn’t believe this was happening to him. “Please don’t leave me, baby.” 

Stan stood still for a moment, tempted greatly by Kenny’s beautiful brown eyes gazing at him so intently. Weakly, he lifted a hand and gently pressed it to Kenny’s freckle-splattered cheek. He swallowed a wave of tears and shook his head. “I can’t. I’m sorry.” 

With that, Stan trudged out of the home, leaving Kenny dumbfounded in the doorway of his bedroom. He swallowed the lump in his throat and cast his unfocused gaze at the ground. The tears slipping from his eyes were unnoticed until one of them trickled all the way down his chin, causing a tickling sensation. Kenny swiped it away with the back of his hand and released a long, shaky sigh. 

Slowly, he turned and reentered his bedroom, securing the wooden door shut behind him. Running a hand through his shaggy blond locks, he trudged over to his bed and plopped down. His heart wretched and his mind remained boggled. He didn’t understand how quickly the best thing in his life could be lost. Kenny cast gaze over to the informational papers resting on his dresser. Seeing the familiar picture of two camouflage-clad soldiers introduced a new wave of emotions of him. 

“Fuck,” He muttered to himself, jamming his fists against his eyes as if it would cease the flow of tears. Right then, none of it mattered—he only wanted his boyfriend to return to his arms. He wanted to wake up from this nightmare.

_

Although he wasn’t exactly sure how he felt about being relieved of his long, wavy blond hair, Kenny was feeling particularly confident. With a 50 on his ASVAB and a fresh uniform with ‘McCormick’ sewed onto his chest, he was physically and mentally prepared to begin basic training the very next day. He had been pushing himself and his body for years (most intensely over the last year), and it felt as if it was beginning to pay off and he could now prove his worth through his abilities. 

On the way to begin his farewell tour, he still had one very big decision under consideration. There was one person in particular in which he wanted craved closure from—but he had not conversed with him in such a long time. Sadly, he had forgotten what his voice even sounded like. He clung onto a few phrases or words he could barely imagine his ex-boyfriend saying with a full heart—and missed him every day. 

While he had tried for about a month prior to the break-up to reobtain Stan’s romantic companionship, he failed and moved onto conditioning himself for becoming a part of the infantry. However, it seemed wrong to leave South Park without rendering one of his life long best friends a proper goodbye. 

Kenny let out a long, unsteady breath when he made it to the Marsh residence outside of town, still fully clad in army attire. He flicked his gaze up to the opened window on the side of the farmhouse in which he used to sneak in through, spending many nights in Stan’s bed with him. Grinning at those fond memories, he forced his feet to carry him to the richly colored wooden porch. With his heart crawling up his throat, he knocked three times and waited for a reply from within the home. 

Swinging open the heavy door was not exactly Kenny’s number one fan; Sharon Marsh. The tall, brunette woman’s expression instantly fell when she saw her son’s ex through the screen door. Sharon raised an eyebrow, “Looking for Stanley?” 

“Is he home?” Kenny wondered after a short nod. 

Holding back an eye-roll, Sharon stepped back from the door and hollered, “Stan, visitor!” 

Another swarm of nerves consumed Kenny as he instinctively stood at attention, awaiting a familiar face to scamper down the steps. Not long after did just that occur. His heart felt heavy when he watched Stan descend in his direction from behind the open door. 

“Who is it?” He asked before bothering to gaze at the door. When he did, however, it was as if he had seen a ghost. 

Kenny managed a weak smile as Stan took his time meeting him at the threshold. Slowly, Stan swung the screen door aside and stepped outside, tugging the door shut behind him. He cast his bright, big blue eyes down to Kenny’s face and instantly noticed a lack of one of his favorite features. Without thought, he blurted, “They buzzed your hair already?!” 

Chuckling at the first thing that Stan had said to him in an entire year, Kenny’s chest fluttered with a certain warmth that only the boy standing before him could ever provide. He couldn’t believe it had been so long since he gazed into his eyes and thought about all the things he had missed about Stan. He didn’t realize he wasn’t speaking until the other man’s eyebrow rose. 

“Yeah,” Kenny confirmed, lifting his cap and revealing blond stubble where thick waves previously laid. “Not my favorite thing about the army, but they don’t make acceptations for even these dimples there.” 

Stan’s lips quirked into an endearing grin, arms folded over his chest. “So, you’re really going?” 

“Tomorrow,” The shorter boy nodded. “Came to say goodbye.” 

“Why?” Stan wondered, fighting tooth and nail against the stirring emotions within him. He had become considerably better at fighting off thoughts and feelings revolving around his freckled ex, but alas—two seconds with him in person managed to destroy his progress. 

“Because,” Kenny began, forcing his eyes to stare directly into Stan’s, even though they begged to be relieved of the strain. He cleared his throat, “Because I didn’t get to really say it to you that night. And there’s just some things I need you to know.” 

Gently, Kenny took a step towards Stan and reached for his hand. When there were no objections, he took it into his slightly smaller one and grazed his thumb against his knuckles. The familiar sensation sent chills down Stan’s spine. “Honestly, I’ve been thinking about what the fuck I’d say to you if I actually had the balls to come here, and now I’m kinda speechless. You look so good, Stan. I fuckin’ miss you so much.” 

Stan considered cutting him off and letting him go off to boot camp without receiving whatever kind of ending he was looking for, but he couldn’t resist the opportunity to hear his voice for even two minutes longer. He merely gazed back into Kenny’s warm, light brown eyes and bit down on his lip. 

Kenny grinned softly, continuing, “You’ve ruined any relationship I’ve tried to have, y’know? Nobody compares to you. I’ve been thinkin’ of you non-stop since fuckin’ pre-school, and I don’t think I’ll ever stop. And I don’t think I’m ever gonna meet someone who gets me like you did. Or who gives a shit like you did. You’re an once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and I’m so sorry I blew my shot with you. But nothin’s stopping me from trying again in the next life. ‘Cause no matter what you think, what I think, or what anyone thinks, you and me are cogs from the same machine, baby. We belong together.” 

Speechless, Stan shut his eyes and let himself enjoy the soft kiss planted onto his forehead and the warm hand squeezing his own. Head reeling and heart clenching, he clamped onto Kenny’s final words with everything in him. 

“I’ll never stop being in love with you, Stan. You always got me.” 

Without even a chance for him to rebuttal, Kenny turned and trotted down the porch’s steps, and then the dirt walkway leading away from the home. His eyes followed the camouflaged teenager that his heart yearned for into the old ass car park adjacent to his stupid dad’s barn. Stan didn’t cry, but he sure felt like he needed a huge swig of vodka right about then. 

He reentered his home with the new acceptance of the fact that he would never stop being in love with Kenny McCormick either. 


End file.
